Since
then, I have
been praying for
Jesus show me
when I’m being
critical,
judgmental and
unloving. I find
myself
constantly
commenting out
loud and to
myself in my car
different
slamming remarks
about other
drivers. If I
have the chance,
I give them “the
look” so perhaps
they will feel
bad about their
behavior, and
figure out what
they did wrong.
I’m such a
Pharisee! God
help me. I feel
almost defeated,
like there is
just no hope for
me, but as soon
as I think that
thought, I know
it’s wrong. It’s
from Satan and
not true.
Instead I thank
Jesus for
showing me my
behavior and
acknowledge it
is wrong and
tell Jesus if He
doesn’t help me
there is going
to be no
improvement
whatsoever. I
find I am
critical, angry
and judgmental
about people I
encounter at
work, finding
fault,
nitpicking and
analyzing
others. Like I’m
perfect! Help me
Jesus, I can’t
do this!!! I
will not, cannot
change without
You! Even though
I desperately
desire to
change, I can’t
do this on my
own, I will only
get worse, I
need Jesus, I
thank Him each
and every time I
recognize fault
within myself.
December 20,
2005
My
husband and I
attended a
concert last
weekend; it was
Chris Tomlin and
Matt Redmond. We
had good seats,
Row G right in
the front, just
a little off to
the right. We
were 10 minutes
late and the
usher was
seating us, we
got to the seats
and other people
were sitting in
them. The usher
asked them to
move and they
showed him their
e-ticket. The
usher brought us
to the lobby.
Right away I was
thinking that we
would get
exceptional
seats because
some of the
preferred seats
would still be
open. We went to
the lobby and a
clerk was
helping us she
said there were
apparently
duplicate
tickets issued
for the same
seats. She told
us she had extra
tickets
available for us
and they were
good seats. It
turned out the
seats were in
row W in the
upper balcony!
I had been
biting my tongue
the entire time
and now I moved
over to my
husband and said
loud enough for
the others to
hear “too bad we
were 10 minutes
late or we would
have been in the
seats first and
they would have
to be bumped
instead of us”.
Another person
who worked there
looked our name
up on the
computer and
said the row G
seats were our
seats and the
people that were
in them had to
move. I was
relieved. My
husband however
felt bad for the
people that
would have to
move into bad
seats. I didn’t
feel bad for
them. He
thought: “people
that would come
to a concert
like this
wouldn’t
deliberately
take the wrong
seats…”
The usher went to tell them to move and came back with their paperwork on the e-ticket that they had been issued. The person helping us looked their name up on the computer and found out they were in the wrong seats; they were supposed to be in row E -- center section, isle seats. The usher and the clerk both said, well those seats are open and if you want them, you can sit there. We said fine and sat there. It turned out they were better seats and the other people didn’t have to be moved.
I felt so bad
because of the
way I behaved,
my attitude and
the statements
that I made to
my husband
making those
statements
deliberately so
the people
working there
would hear me.
That was not
Christ-like. I
sat in my new
seat and just
put my head in
my hands and
cried because
how can I love
God whom I can’t
see when I can’t
love the peo
ple
I can see? How
can God use me
when I can’t
even act right?
And I want so
much to please
God, I want Him
to look at me
and be proud of
my behavior, to
be proud of His
daughter. I want
to be used by
God, I want so
much to be holy,
obedient and
loving. Yet, in
my day to day
thoughts, words,
attitudes and
actions, I don’t
display those
characteristics.